


A Final Problem

by Winds of Dawn (WoD)



Series: Thinking of Mary [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e03 The Final Problem, Gen, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9928010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoD/pseuds/Winds%20of%20Dawn
Summary: John muses over the Final Problem. Now with companion piecesA Question of MaryandRosie's Turn





	

You didn't hesitate at all, Sherlock, did you? 

You picked me over Mycroft, and you had no doubt in your mind.

Well, that isn't that odd, is it? After all, I'd pick you over Harriet. Obviously. It's not even a question. I'd feel guilty as hell over it, but that is what it is. You. Harriet. No comparison there. No need to debate who is in general the more useful to society, or to whatever particular situation is at hand. Not that we should be picking who lives by how much utility a person has. That's... not a bit good. That ways lies the slippery slope that leads to concentration camps and gas chambers. Yeah....

And if you were picking by utility, you should have picked Mycroft, just like he said. So, yeah. 

It's about what I mean to you, what you mean to me, what we mean to each other.

And the question that keeps me up at night. 

What if I were forced to pick between you and Mary? 

And the other question that really keeps me up at nights.

Did Mary know the answer? Is that why she threw herself in front of the bullet meant for you?

And if she knew that, why did she stay with me? If I knew that, why did I stay with her?

I watch you holding Rosie, and feel the space where Mary isn't. I see endless stretches of milestones in Rosie's life where Mary won't be. And I see you. Standing aside, looking in from the outside, a benevolent onlooker to Rosie's life, as you would have been. And I see you as you would be now, taking Rosie to strange outings, introducing her to the minutiae of London mud and 200-whatever types of cigarette ash, bringing her to your Homeless Network in lieu of play dates. Walking her to school, scoffing at her teachers in disdain, writing scathing comments on her homework about how inane the assignments are, teaching her advanced chemistry while she's still in grade school and crowing with glee when she makes her teachers cry.

You'd even walk her down the aisle, if any boyfriend ever survives your deductions.

And the space Mary should have been in, you fill it and blot it out with your brilliance.

Did Mary know? Is that why she threw herself in front of a bullet meant for you? And does that make it the right decision?

And you picking me over Mycroft. Was that the right decision?

I loved Mary, and I love you. I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. Mary at home and you on the side. Wife. Friend. A man can have both, surely? Most people do, don't they?

And now you hold Rosie, like you were meant to be.

I see a world without Mary in it. And it feels like it was meant to be.

And I think if you had picked Mycroft over me, how wrong everything would have felt to you, every minute of every day.

And I feel so, so guilty about Mary, that she knew this, and she threw herself in front of that bullet... for us.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Restoring Balance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431423) by [TheWhiteLily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhiteLily/pseuds/TheWhiteLily)




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